Recently my father handed me a book and asked me to read it, stating that He thought it was an excellent and helpful read. Although it took me two months to get through the book, it is exceptional and is a must read for fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, and men of marriageable age. From the beginning, "What He Must Be" by Voiddie Bacucham Jr., is clear cut, gripping, helpful, powerful, and Biblical. Essentially Mr. Baucham lays out, Biblically, what fathers and daughters should look for in possible suitors, what fathers and mothers should cultivate in their own sons, and what men should be cultivating in themselves. As Voddie Baucham says:
"There are some things a man simply must be before he is qualified to assume the role of a Christian husband. For instance, he must be a Christian (2 Corinthians 6:14); he must be committed to biblical headship (Ephesians 5:23); he must welcome children (Psalms 127: 3 -5); he must be a suitable priest (Joshua 24:15), prophet (Ephesians 6:4), protector (Nehemiah 4:13 -14), and provider (1 Timothy 5:8; Titus 2:5). The man who does not possess - or at least show strong signs of - these and other basic characteristics does not meet the basic job description laid down for husbands in the Bible. Moreover, as a father,it is my responsibility to teach my daughter what these requirements are, encourage her not to settle for less, and walk her through the process of evaluating potential suitors." (pp 17)
Although he lists many qualifications, Mr. Baucham does not expect young men to be perfect, as none of us are perfect, but He points out that young women and fathers should look for men who have in some measure of the qualities he lists or are open to cultivating such Biblical qualities. Although he does not expect perfection, also does not want the man his daughter is going to marry to be someone who is inept of most of the qualities above. Mr. Baucham is looking at marriage as a sacred institution that should be treasured. He also looks at marriage as the beginning of a multigenerational legacy. Depending on who one marries a beautiful and Godly legacy or a deplorable and disparaging legacy can be begun or passed on. As He states: "The marriages of our sons and daughters will serve as the foundation upon which the next generation is built." (pp. 27) If we want the next generation to be built on the word of God and be passionate planters of His word, then we must have strong and Godly marriages to begin with.
"What He Must Be" strives to prepare this generation to look for all the qualities needed to have a strong marriage before one is married, instead of looking for those qualities or having to grow those qualities in full, once married. Of course during any point of life growth in necessary, but when it comes to marriage the path of growth will be much steeper if not impossible for thoe ill equipped. "What He Must be" gives one a general Biblical outline of what one should look for in a suitor instead of having to search in the dark and hope one happens upon a Godly man.
Although I would love to detail all Mr. Baucham says about marriage, I do not think I can adequately do so. Therefore, I will just say that part of the goal of this book is to look at marriage as more than just two individuals living together and raising children, etc. He tries to instill a spirit of soberness about marriage in his readers. He highlights that marriage is to be treasured and is to be seen as something important for the next generation. It is also a ministry for believers to their children, for others in their vicinity and the world. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church (Revelation 19: 7-8, 21: 9) and therefore is not an institution to be entered into lightly.
Before, he fully details the Biblical qualifications for a suitor Mr. Baucham also makes a point to stress how important a father's role is when it comes to choosing a spouse. He deems it important that a father protect His daughter's heart, her mind, etc. He states that one should not allow one's daughter to only go with the longings of her heart, when it comes to marriage, because : "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9) (pp 49) He advocates for male patriarchy "responsible male leadership in the home and in the church" ( pp 51). He recommends for fathers to look at the examples of patriarchs in the Bible and in conjunction he lists a patriarchs duty to his daughter( pp 53 -65).
After more than sixty pages of describing why one needs to be discerning when picking a spouse, Mr. Baucham begins to list what he, the suitor, must be (pp 67 -157). He allows a chapter for each qualification, which is beneficial for the reader as the qualifications are explained in a very helpful, informative, and sometimes humorous manner. Below is the list of qualifications that Mr. Baucham gives:
1. He Must be a Follower of Christ (2 Corinthians 6: 14-18)
2. He Must be Prepared to Lead
3. He Must Lead like Christ ( Ephesians 5)
4. He Must be Commited to His Children (Psalm 127:3- 5)
5. He Must Practice the Four P's
A. Protector
B. Provider
C. Prophet/Priest (Basically a man who "must pray with and for his family" and a man who will teach and grows his family in the Word of God.)
Overall he did a wonderful job of detailing Biblical qualifications husbands and daughters should be looking for in a man. I would definitely recommend this to fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, and men of marriageable age. It was a phenomenal book in terms of the information given, its God centeredness, and Mrs. Baucham's writing. It is a rare gem for one to find a truly good book on this subject in the world today. I hope you all have a chance to read the book and reflect on all Mr. Baucham has to say through a Biblical perspective.
