"Is it His plan that I remain single?" Part 2

    
 

Thinking About The Two Options 
  

  As I said in my last post it seems as if one has two options when it comes to one’s unmarried years:   
   

Option 1: We can brood over the fact that we are not married and either try to take the situation into our own hands or pine over something we may or may not be blessed with one day.    
  

Or  

Option 2: We can look at this period of our lives as a time of preparation, a blessed time in life that the Lord has given us in which to learn, trust in Him, and grow. We can thank Him for this "season" and trust that His plans are “to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.”    

I know that there are some that rest in the middle of these two options, but for the most part I think one chooses, unknowingly at times, either option one or option two.

Option One : Sadness and Discontentment   

“ Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made.” (Genesis 3:1 a) “But the serpent said to the woman, ‘ You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.’” (Genesis 3: 4-5)

          In the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve broke their trust in the Lord and listened to the lies the serpent told them. They desired to be like God and sinned for the first time when they decided to disobey the Lord and eat of the tree of good and evil.  Instead of living forever with the Lord their decision resulted in banishment, sadness, death, destruction, and the curse of knowing good and evil (Genesis 3: 22 -24). Even in Adam and Eve’s disobedience God had a beautiful plan and He did not abandon His people. He eventually gave man the greatest gift this world has ever known and sent His only and perfect son to die for the sins that we committed and commit against Him. In doing so, he saved man from ultimate death and destruction, if only one would believe in Him and confess one’s sins (Romans 10: 7- 17). Even though we sinned against Him, He still had a plan, the most beautiful plan this world has ever known.

         Even after we are saved we can still struggle with our sin natures and fail to trust in Him at times. We can also struggle with being content with what He has given us. When it comes to being unmarried I think option one can be the easiest path to fall into, but it is a path that generally leads to discontentment, unhappiness, unrest, and many lost hours in one’s life. Option one ultimately is the failure to trust, as believers, that the Lord is in control and that He has a plan for our lives. His plans are much better than the plans we try to put into place, even if at the time our plans seem much better. 

        I fully began to realize this principle five or so years ago. When I was fifteen my father needed to and was led to move to Connecticut for his career. At the time I had lived in a wonderful town for nine years and had a lot of amazing friends. As a person who often does not cope with change well, when I learned we were moving I thought my life was “ending.” For the first several years in Connecticut I genuinely struggled to trust in Him and my faith was “tested.” I was angry with God, at times I did not understand my parents, and could not see any good that had come from the move. Those years were a time of intense change for me, times of intense struggle and at times rebellion. Surprisingly those years were also a time of intense growth. Slowly I began to realize that I had begun to cut myself off from both my family and God. Only by His grace was I able to slowly, but painful, trust that these were His plans for my life. He changed my heart in many ways while I lived in Connecticut, and made me depend on Him and grow in Him more than I had been forced to in my hometown. Not only did He force me to depend on Him, but He also helped me to begin to more fully put my confidence in Him. After four years in Connecticut my father was offered a wonderful work opportunity in our old town. When I think back, those years in Connecticut were some of the hardest, saddest, and most painful times in my life, but they were also the most glorious, freeing and wonderful periods as well. If I had stayed in my home town I probably would have matured as a Christian but I would not have had to grow to the extent I was forced to when we moved. Now because I struggled against Him, there are areas in my life that I could have grown in more if I had just trusted in Him. For example, I could now have a greater knowledge of His word, but I cannot change what happened in the past, and ultimately He used my struggles to grow me.  

     So, sometimes it is hard to see how God works in our lives and it is hard to understand, as believers, that the Lord can use times of struggle to mature us and use those times for His glory, etc. If I had been asked five year ago if I wanted to move I would have shouted a resounding "NO!" but if you ask me today I would say "Yes, and thank-you Lord for using that time for your glory." It is funny sometimes how God works when we do not see how He can do so but He is omnipotent. 

         So, when it comes to option one we can try to take the situation into our own hands, but often times our efforts result in pain and failure. We can also pine away, depressed that our dreams have not come true, creating dreams for the future and crying out to God in desperation asking why He did not bless us as other girls have been. All this leads us to option two.

Option Two : Amazing Hope and Freedom

      If your like me you are probably ready to hear about option two because option one does not sound too fine or dandy at this point. In fact option one sound downright depressing and discouraging. So, here is the good news: God is in charge and He loves His people, even those unmarried, more than we could ever imagine. He has had a plan since the beginning of time and although sin has entered the world, due to man, He choose us and will not forsake us, if we are His people (Ephesians 2: 4-8).  This is the most basic, fundamental, and comforting truth.

       Option two is a hard path to choose. It is not easy to depend on Him or trust in Him but option two is the most beautiful path. It is a path in which one can find, with His aid, joy, contentment, purpose, unimaginable love, and peace. The struggle of picking option two is: trust, trust, trust, dependence, dependence, dependence and knowledge that He knows best. How painful it can be to give up our ways and to give our lives and struggles to Him, but how wonderful and relieving it can be as well. Every period in our lives is a period God can use for His glory, a time in which He can grow us in Him, grow us in our love for Him, and a time He can use us to bless others. What an amazing God He is and how much love He has for His people!   

     As Jesus says in Luke 12 : “ Therefore, I tell you, do not be anxious…" (vs. 22)  “Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?” (vs. 24 -26) “But if God so clothes the grass…how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!” (vs. 29) “Fear not, little flock, for it is your father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” (vs. 33) “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (vs. 34, ESV) 

          So, why don’t we be thankful for what the Lord has given us and be thankful that we are His people and that He cares for us. Instead of our treasure being marriage why don’t we treasure what is above and be thankful that He chosen us. Why don’t we use the skills the Lord has given us and use them by and for His glory. There is so much we can doing during our unmarried years to further His kingdom, to learn about Him, read His word, develop skills we may need in the future, be a blessing to those around us, etc. Of course we can only do so with His help! Option two does seems so much more encouraging and God honoring than option one. Although it can be difficult at times to continue on this path, it is a relief to know that He is always with us. 

      I would like to end this article with an encouraging psalm of David. This psalm shows David's trust and love for the Lord, and demonstrates God's glory. I think it is a good "theme" psalm for this article. 

“Praise is due to you, O God, in Zion,  

and to you shall vows be performed.

O you who hear prayer, 

to you shall all flesh come.

When iniquities prevail against me,

you atone for our transgressions.

Blessed is the one you choose and bring near,

to dwell in your courts!  

We shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house,

the holiness of your temple!

By awesome deeds you answer us with righteousness,

O God of our salvation,

the hope of all the ends of the earth

and of the farthest seas;

the one who by his strength established the mountains  

being girded with might; 

who still the roaring of the seas…”

(Psalms 65: 1 -7)

May God bless your lives as you allow Him to daily work in you. 

All credits for the picture go to : http://jeroendstout.tumblr.com/ The artist is: Leopold Franz Kowalksi (1856-1931)

Edited: "Is His plan that I remain single?"

Dear Reader/s,
Please forgive me.I have been out of town and posted "Is His plan that I remain single?" in Arizona. I was quite busy at the time and did not read over the article, something a good writer should never do. Therefore, I did not notice that a large section of my writing was missing. I have since revised the article, and hope that you enjoy it once again, as this time it is far more substantial and probably less confusing. Thank-you and I am sorry.
Sincerely,
Kate
P.S. Also the title, gramatically, should read "Is His plan for me to remain single?" but, as I have already given out the link, I am going to leave the title as is.

"Is His Plan that I Remain Single?" Part 1

"Is His plan for me to remain single?"  

    Recently, I have been pondering this question. I am only twenty years old, but within my community of friends there have been the beginnings of many marriages and I know several young women who are in very serious courting relationships. So, marriage has been brought to the front of my mind. I have also been speaking to several young women who are struggling with the idea of singleness/ remaining unmarried and are ultimately frustrated by the fact that they do not know His plans (I definitely can be in this category). Due to the above, for the last several months I have been reading, studying and praying about several topics including marriage and an individuals unmarried years. After much reading, talking, and listening I have been presented with, or found several, comforting conclusions. 

1.       God has plans for those who will trust in Him, and His plans are not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

2.      “… that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

3.      The Lord cares for his people, more than we can ever imagine. (Mathew 6:25-34; Ephesians 2:1 -10)

4. Last but not least: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3)     
   

         The above facts  are not terribly difficult to understand, because the Lord has always been faithful to and loves His people, but they can be very difficult to put into practice or to know in one's own heart. This especially true, it seems, when one has to trust the Lord with something that is close to one's heart.
         When I was younger I tended to think that when I came to a certain age, if I was faithful to God, then I would find a godly man right away, we would get married, have children, and the rest of our lives would be spent serving others as missionaries. Although, at this point the above has not occurred, I have realized that ultimately I have to trust that His plans are best. Part of the struggle at times though, is making His desires my desires.  Therefore, I find it difficult  to put into action Psalm 37: 3-4: “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This verse does not mean that if one does all that the Lord commands He will give you the desires of your heart but, seemingly means, that if we delight in Him, His desires will be our desires for our lives. The application of Psalm 37 can only be done through God’s grace and our willingness to delight in the Lord and not delight in ourselves.    

But Marriage is Beautiful    

 

          Although, I have begun to delight in Him more and more, something I can only do by God's grace, my real struggle has been the knowledge that marriage is a beautiful picture of Christ and the Church and can be a wonderful picture of unity. As I have read more about a woman’s role through a Biblical perspective, I have realized that apart from our relationship with the Lord,which is number one, our primary role, if the Lord wills, is to be wives and mothers (Titus 2, Proverbs 31). Our role as wives and mothers is both beautiful and necessary. Women have a key role in encouraging their husbands, helping their husbands to continue to be godly men, encouraging them to lead, raising the next generation in the fear and admonition of the Lord, setting a godly example to younger women, etc. I have have seen wonderful examples of women, including my own mother, who are Proverbs 31 women and I have seen how much they have blessed others and have been a blessing to their families. These women allow their husbands to lead and they themselves trust the Lord. Not that they are always perfect, but they do delight themselves in the Lord, have a firm understanding of His grace, and trust in Him. In a world in which feminism has become very influential, a woman who truly shows Biblical womanhood, stands out as beautiful. As a very passionate person, my heart swells when I hear or know such women and my desire to be such a woman increases. When I hear speakers who preach on Biblical womanhood and a woman's role, I feel evermore passionate to help raise up the next generation of children in the Lord. At times this thought process can lead me to think that marriage is more worthy than singleness, which is a fallacy.

Singleness/ Being Unmarried Can Be Lovely Too 

          
Although marriage is a wonderful institution, and God will probably allow most of us to enter into it, God can use me and other young women as singles/ unmarried no matter how long He has us remain unmarried. See, within our lives there are different periods in which God uses us in different ways. When we were children we were able to help others but mainly it was a period of instruction, we needed that time in order to grow both physically but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Although in many ways we still need instruction we are at a time in our lives in which we can use as either a time to pine away for something we do not have or as a time to grow in the skills or gifts the Lord has given us. It is also a time in which we can grow in our relationship with Him, a time in which we can help our families, learn from our fathers and mothers, bless those inside and outside the church that need help, etc. I used to think, and partially was taught, that after high school you had several options but none of them included staying at home with one's family. I used to think it was nobler to help others, and was unable to se how I could be used in my own home. So, I used to think that in order to be useful in my own home or to grow in certain skills I would need to be married or, once I received a degree, leave my parents home. Although I go to a college near my home, I have realized that the above is not true. Through books such as “So Much More”, “Joyfully Home”, “What He Must Be”, conferences I’ve been to, my parents, the Bible, and close friends, I have realized the exact opposite. I have found that I can be extremely useful as unmarried. This time in my life can be extremely beneficial no matter what path God has in store for my life. One’s “single years” can be a time of helping one’s family, gaining skills one will need later in life (such as knowledge of the Bible, teaching, cooking, sewing, gardening, interaction with others, learning what a family should look like, etc.). Also, one's unmarried years can be used to further God's kingdom and is a period in which one can grow deeper in one's relationship with Him. As the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7: 34, 35: "And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." ("So Much More" has several uplifting paragraphs on this,pages 251 -252, FYI.)
          Lately, I have realize what a blessing one's unmarried years can be, in terms of preparation for whatever the Lord has in store for me. I have been blessed to have be given the opportunity to babysit five young children on multiple occasions. The children are extremely sweet and I love them dearly, but at times I realize my weaknesses when babysitting them. I can be too strict or to lenient at times because I am unwilling to deal with something that seems to have happened 100 times that day. Sometimes I think "Oh, it is so wonderful to be around and care for such children. I can’t wait until I become a mother!"and at other times, when diapers need to be changed at the same time two children are fighting and one is yelling to get my attention, I think “How am I ever going to become a mother.” During the latter I just have to thank the Lord for the position that He has put me in as a time to learn and grow.  

Two Options  

       When it comes to our unmarried years I think there are two options we have:

  Option1: We can brood over the fact that we are not married and either try to take the situation into our own hands or pine over something we may or may not be blessed with one day.

Or    

  Option 2: We can look at this period of our lives as a time of preparation, a blessed time in life that the Lord has given us in which to learn, trust in Him, and grow. We can thank Him for this "season" and trust that His plans are “to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.”     

      On our own strength option two is extremely difficult and I know that I personally struggle with trusting in Him. I also know, though, that with His help anything is possible and I believe that He is faithful and sovereign over my life. This knowledge helps me both to have confidence in Him and to trust in Him, but even with such knowledge I often struggle with trusting and having confidence in Him. 
      
In the next part of this article I would like to further discuss the implications of the two choices and see where each option leads.