"Is His Plan that I Remain Single?" Part 1

"Is His plan for me to remain single?"  

    Recently, I have been pondering this question. I am only twenty years old, but within my community of friends there have been the beginnings of many marriages and I know several young women who are in very serious courting relationships. So, marriage has been brought to the front of my mind. I have also been speaking to several young women who are struggling with the idea of singleness/ remaining unmarried and are ultimately frustrated by the fact that they do not know His plans (I definitely can be in this category). Due to the above, for the last several months I have been reading, studying and praying about several topics including marriage and an individuals unmarried years. After much reading, talking, and listening I have been presented with, or found several, comforting conclusions. 

1.       God has plans for those who will trust in Him, and His plans are not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

2.      “… that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

3.      The Lord cares for his people, more than we can ever imagine. (Mathew 6:25-34; Ephesians 2:1 -10)

4. Last but not least: "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." (Ecclesiastes 3)     
   

         The above facts  are not terribly difficult to understand, because the Lord has always been faithful to and loves His people, but they can be very difficult to put into practice or to know in one's own heart. This especially true, it seems, when one has to trust the Lord with something that is close to one's heart.
         When I was younger I tended to think that when I came to a certain age, if I was faithful to God, then I would find a godly man right away, we would get married, have children, and the rest of our lives would be spent serving others as missionaries. Although, at this point the above has not occurred, I have realized that ultimately I have to trust that His plans are best. Part of the struggle at times though, is making His desires my desires.  Therefore, I find it difficult  to put into action Psalm 37: 3-4: “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” This verse does not mean that if one does all that the Lord commands He will give you the desires of your heart but, seemingly means, that if we delight in Him, His desires will be our desires for our lives. The application of Psalm 37 can only be done through God’s grace and our willingness to delight in the Lord and not delight in ourselves.    

But Marriage is Beautiful    

 

          Although, I have begun to delight in Him more and more, something I can only do by God's grace, my real struggle has been the knowledge that marriage is a beautiful picture of Christ and the Church and can be a wonderful picture of unity. As I have read more about a woman’s role through a Biblical perspective, I have realized that apart from our relationship with the Lord,which is number one, our primary role, if the Lord wills, is to be wives and mothers (Titus 2, Proverbs 31). Our role as wives and mothers is both beautiful and necessary. Women have a key role in encouraging their husbands, helping their husbands to continue to be godly men, encouraging them to lead, raising the next generation in the fear and admonition of the Lord, setting a godly example to younger women, etc. I have have seen wonderful examples of women, including my own mother, who are Proverbs 31 women and I have seen how much they have blessed others and have been a blessing to their families. These women allow their husbands to lead and they themselves trust the Lord. Not that they are always perfect, but they do delight themselves in the Lord, have a firm understanding of His grace, and trust in Him. In a world in which feminism has become very influential, a woman who truly shows Biblical womanhood, stands out as beautiful. As a very passionate person, my heart swells when I hear or know such women and my desire to be such a woman increases. When I hear speakers who preach on Biblical womanhood and a woman's role, I feel evermore passionate to help raise up the next generation of children in the Lord. At times this thought process can lead me to think that marriage is more worthy than singleness, which is a fallacy.

Singleness/ Being Unmarried Can Be Lovely Too 

          
Although marriage is a wonderful institution, and God will probably allow most of us to enter into it, God can use me and other young women as singles/ unmarried no matter how long He has us remain unmarried. See, within our lives there are different periods in which God uses us in different ways. When we were children we were able to help others but mainly it was a period of instruction, we needed that time in order to grow both physically but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Although in many ways we still need instruction we are at a time in our lives in which we can use as either a time to pine away for something we do not have or as a time to grow in the skills or gifts the Lord has given us. It is also a time in which we can grow in our relationship with Him, a time in which we can help our families, learn from our fathers and mothers, bless those inside and outside the church that need help, etc. I used to think, and partially was taught, that after high school you had several options but none of them included staying at home with one's family. I used to think it was nobler to help others, and was unable to se how I could be used in my own home. So, I used to think that in order to be useful in my own home or to grow in certain skills I would need to be married or, once I received a degree, leave my parents home. Although I go to a college near my home, I have realized that the above is not true. Through books such as “So Much More”, “Joyfully Home”, “What He Must Be”, conferences I’ve been to, my parents, the Bible, and close friends, I have realized the exact opposite. I have found that I can be extremely useful as unmarried. This time in my life can be extremely beneficial no matter what path God has in store for my life. One’s “single years” can be a time of helping one’s family, gaining skills one will need later in life (such as knowledge of the Bible, teaching, cooking, sewing, gardening, interaction with others, learning what a family should look like, etc.). Also, one's unmarried years can be used to further God's kingdom and is a period in which one can grow deeper in one's relationship with Him. As the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7: 34, 35: "And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord." ("So Much More" has several uplifting paragraphs on this,pages 251 -252, FYI.)
          Lately, I have realize what a blessing one's unmarried years can be, in terms of preparation for whatever the Lord has in store for me. I have been blessed to have be given the opportunity to babysit five young children on multiple occasions. The children are extremely sweet and I love them dearly, but at times I realize my weaknesses when babysitting them. I can be too strict or to lenient at times because I am unwilling to deal with something that seems to have happened 100 times that day. Sometimes I think "Oh, it is so wonderful to be around and care for such children. I can’t wait until I become a mother!"and at other times, when diapers need to be changed at the same time two children are fighting and one is yelling to get my attention, I think “How am I ever going to become a mother.” During the latter I just have to thank the Lord for the position that He has put me in as a time to learn and grow.  

Two Options  

       When it comes to our unmarried years I think there are two options we have:

  Option1: We can brood over the fact that we are not married and either try to take the situation into our own hands or pine over something we may or may not be blessed with one day.

Or    

  Option 2: We can look at this period of our lives as a time of preparation, a blessed time in life that the Lord has given us in which to learn, trust in Him, and grow. We can thank Him for this "season" and trust that His plans are “to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.”     

      On our own strength option two is extremely difficult and I know that I personally struggle with trusting in Him. I also know, though, that with His help anything is possible and I believe that He is faithful and sovereign over my life. This knowledge helps me both to have confidence in Him and to trust in Him, but even with such knowledge I often struggle with trusting and having confidence in Him. 
      
In the next part of this article I would like to further discuss the implications of the two choices and see where each option leads.